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Page 1 of 2 If you ever want to discover who you are just let yourself get good and tired. It is so easy to be nice and happy when we are not feeling all that mental stress and struggle of fatigue. But how well do we maintain our magnanimous thoughts and feelings when faced with a couple days and nights of bone wearying upheaval?
In those moments the darker side of who we are is revealed. For me that was always when I found myself at my most irritable. My humour went sour and became a little more cutting and I started to ask myself who I am. Fatigue and pain have been my humbling reminders. Without them I might have started thinking of myself as some kind of wise person, a mentor to others and that sort of thing. So maybe I am fortunate I have never had to fully test that theory. Generally things have never gone perfectly smoothly for more than a couple weeks. Then something would come up, not necessarily the type of thing that stops me in my tracks but more often a sense of wearing down. In fact usually they have been those little challenges where I found myself falling just a short of my dreams, yet that was enough to challenge me, frazzle my nerves and cause me to lose sleep. Still there have been some times when life has dished me up a doozer, a special treat of chaos that has pulled me out of whatever state I was in. Let me tell you, when that sort of thing happened I sure wanted to blame other people. I was incapable of seeing that I was somehow co-responsible for my experiences. It took a lot of inner searching to determine how I might have been responsible for what I had created. And my discovery was always that I did create those crises. In fact I even had a reason although I was always unaware of it at the time. My reason was desperation. That might sound absurd but it is true, it was the only way I could find meaning in my life. It is only in desperation that the unconscious can discover the Divine and in every one of us there is a deep urge to discover the fullness of our inner magnificence. As Jesus said to his followers; “Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him. It took me a long time to learn, I had many ‘hard knocks’. My consolation if it could be called that was that I was not alone. In fact in my journey it has been virtually impossible to find a person who has not had serious challenges. So the revelation for me that my challenges were about becoming desperate enough to surrender to a higher power within was incredibly freeing. It was also transformative, I was finally able to begin to move beyond a life of one crisis after another.
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